The good news is that following the media frenzy over Venice' proposed regulation of wheeling luggage the City Counsel has assured travelers that the proposed rule is intended to regulate the wheeled carts and trolleys used by vendors in the city, not the type of luggage that tourists can transport their belongings in.  

Or is that good news?  Why should all vendors be required to replace their wheels?  Will that have any real impact on noise pollution in Venice?  Is it really just another tax on the too-few residents of Venice? I'm pretty sure most of the noise does come from luggage after all… Lots of it probably comes from my luggage which, I'll admit, could use a new set of wheels!  

Either way, it's surprising how much attention this initiative got.  The world believed that a city that wanted to call in the military to help with crowd control in 2014 would, by May of 2015, have the manpower to catch and fine tourists for luggage violations?  (Someone is attempting to scale the walls of the Miracoli Church, but let me just bend down and check your wheels...)  I doubt it.  However sad it is to admit, it's hard to believe that such a law could be enforced in Venice.  My honest first reaction to this news was a good hearty laugh and I shared it on the OG Venice Facebook page expecting the same reaction. 

Was I ever wrong!  It wasn't funny at all.  The fans of OG Venice on Facebook - people who, similar to myself, are either in Venice or planning their next trip to Venice - were deeply offended.  This initiative was seen as yet another hurdle placed in the path of long-term visitors, those who use accommodations on the islands, in favor of day-trippers and cruise passengers who have no need to carry luggage.  It might, had it turned out to be true, have even been the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back for some devoted Venetophiles.  Some pondered whether they would just stay in Mestre and "commute" in the future.  

Others pointed out the difference in spending habits between those who use local accommodations vs. day-trippers.  Maybe they wondered what logic could lie behind a regulation that alienates a demographic of tourists who, though fewer in numbers, spend much more money in Venetian-owned businesses and artisan shops in Venice.  Wouldn't that be harmful to all concerned?  Does Venice even have enough official residents left to support essential local businesses if the overnight visitors thin out? How many sales does it take to generate enough revenues to keep a salumeria open?  How many again to keep an artisan's hands busy?  OG Venice readers seem to think that there is a mutually beneficial relationship that exists between resident-visitors and Venetians that does not necessarily exist between Venetians and those who visit just for the day.

These are heavy wonderings for OG Venice, coming as they do between our holiday posts, and inspired as they were by something that really does seem quite laughable:  "World Scrambles to Replace Luggage at Command of Venice City Counsel!"  "Retailers Brace for Unexpected Holiday Rush on Duffle Bags!" "BMW & Bose Team up on First Noise-Cancelling Suitcase!"

But, joking aside, there are clearly some issues - beyond a proposed luggage tax - that are getting under the skin of resident-visitors to Venice to the point where they are both prepared to believe Venice would pass such a law and prepared to see it as the last straw.  That is a problem.  It really is a problem that the outsiders who care the most about, and contribute the most to, Venice feel so alienated from the City.

Meanwhile, I'm sure that all of our hearts go out to all of the Venetians who, it now appears, are the real targets of the noise-reduction initiative.  

Warning:  The image above contains a link to an unapproved piece of wheeling luggage.  However, this bag also converts into a backpack!  If ever the cops are on to you, you can hoist it over your shoulder and walk away...just like everyone else with a bad bag in Venice.

I am guilty of having adopted two of the many Venetian expressions that make no sense whatsoever: "Sempre dritta" & "It's the same".   Over time, these absurdities have become almost normal to me even though sempre dritta (always strait?!!), and things that are "the same" as one another absolutely positively do not exist in Venice.  I know they don't exist; Venetians know they don't exist.  Moreover, we use these expressions in conversation without even knowing if they mean the same things to each other!    In fact, I'm pretty sure that "it's the same" means the exact opposite to me as it does to my Venetian friends.  But let's talk about "sempre dritta"…

I can only think of a few streets in Venice - Via Garibaldi, the Strada Nova, the Zatere, Fondamenta Della Misericordia, Riva Schiavoni and Fondamenta Nove - where it's possible to always go strait for more than two minutes and even those streets are slightly curved!  Meanwhile, you are unlikely to be in any of those places when you stop to ask directions.  So, when you hear the expression "sempre dritta", especially if you are very assiduous about following directions, you are guaranteed to end up confused.  You will immediately discover that it is completely impossible to always go strait.  You may even question the good intentions of the person who directed you!  But here's the thing:  This expression makes perfect sense to Venetians even if it seems to translate into a cruel joke.

So… What does "sempre dritta" really mean in Venice? Easy!  It means go strait until you are forced to turn, then take the first opportunity to turn back into the direction you were going when you started and continue walking in this fashion until you reach your destination.  Not the same, is it?!

Meanwhile, Venetians will try to tell you that Sant ' Elena is "the same" as Burano and Lido is "the same" as La Giudecca.  But these are all completely different worlds!  Just as with "sempre dritta", in order to communicate it becomes necessary to dispense with the literal meaning of this expression.  The meanings of these words are not the same as you think they are.  I think, though I'll freely admit to being uncertain, that they are used in two contexts which naturally, happen to be the opposites of each other:  1. "It's all the same to me", meaning I don't mind doing whatever you're asking.  or 2. Lets not do that because it's too similar to this.  

Personally, when I say "it's the same", I am talking about the amount of energy that it will cost me to do something or go somewhere.  If it's "the same" as staying where I am, then I will definitely go.  Does that sound contradictory?  

Anything is possible in Venice including always going strait while making frequent turns and walking three kilometers using the same amount of energy that it takes to stay home. 

Tourists are often taken aback by the bluntness with which Venetians answer questions and give directions.  But I've learned something through all my years of being snapped at by Venetians: They will only try it when they believe there's hope for you yet.  

Once, inside the Bacaro Risorto, I was actually cut off. Jacopo decided that I had had too much coffee and flat-out refused to serve me another espresso. Another time, at the MiTi Bar, I tried to order a white spritz but Federico shook his head at me and absolutely refused to pour one. And, lest you think that I'm just a caff-a-alcoholic, I had a similar experience at a small atelier near the Tolentini... I wanted to try on a dress but the shopkeeper wouldn't even let me take it off the rack. Plus, it seems like everywhere that I go, the same people who call me “beautiful darling” as lightly as air, later turn around and tell me definitively that they don't love me. :-(

What's going on here? Am I a nypho-caffa-alco-shop-aholic in serious need of rehabilitation? Or am I just your average anglo-saxon tourist who expects to be treated like the-customer-who-is-always-right even if it means that I waste money, get wired, drink bad liquor, wear stupid looking clothes and walk around making accidental sexual innuendos?

Hmm...let me think...

Jacopo lost money refusing to sell me coffee. Federico could easily have handed me a spritz full of the cheapest wine in town. That atelier probably could have sold me yet another piece of clothing that would hang in my closet never to see the light of day again. And, lets face it, everyone appreciates a dirty joke, even if the joke's on me. So...

What kind of people are overly blunt, critical, honest at the expense of their own interests and don't laugh when you say something stupid? My goodness! Veneziani! You are all beginning to remind me of my parents!

Which means that maybe, just maybe, you do in fact love me just a little! (“Love”, strictly in the non-sexual, “voglio bene” sense of the word, as it is commonly thrown about amongst us wired, drunken, foul-mouthed, anglo-saxon slobs, of course... ;-)

This also means that maybe, just maybe, those very same Venetians who strike my fellow anglo-saxon tourists as unforgivably rude are, in fact, the only Venetians who've really got your back a la Mom & Dad!